No, Laura Jo, That is not a black dog.....That is a bear darlin'.....They don't go "woof, woof".....They go "Grrrrrrr"
Can you stand it? Just when you think they will stay small forever, they are outgrowing everything and it will be time to put them in school...
Today Stacy had to go to a funeral home and sign a death certificate....sigh..... This is something a child of mine should never have to do....but there she was, signing a piece of paper declaring that Hannah Abigail Harris is no more.....There was talk about an urn, there was talk about the finality of life...how do you process all of this?
Stacface....one of my many names for her.....has been handling this all so well....She made a shadow box with all of the memories, one of which has the little dress Sarah made her.....she has a Christmas ornament with her tiny foot prints along with a recording of her heartbeat....How precious is that?.....She has ordered a keepsake urn for the ashes that should come soon.....She is trying to have some sort of closure.....but is there ever any closure this side of heaven? Do we ever forget any of our children? Mine are hard to forget......and I don’t even think she wants to.....
The older I get, the harder it is for me to remember anything...just ask Joe....I am challenged daily.....However.....I will never forget the time I held little Hannah in my arms....Tears were flowing...it was when time stood still ..... and a life I will never know.... slipped away....I got a glimpse of God right there in the hospital room....He was there alright....BIG AS LIFE....even though there was no life in my arms.....He was holding me, as I was holding her....a precious time with the Lord indeed......! Like Mary, I will treasure these things in my heart....
So May 14, 2010 is on the death certificate....a sort of birth/death certificate all in one....the same day we met her, she was gone........she had been dead a while...not sure of the exact moment it all happened, but Stacy has her suspicions....these are things a mama just knows.....Us Mamas know stuff like that....It was just 24 days ago.
Stacy has already ordered a monument they will put in their backyard....maybe it will be placed under a live oak, with flowers around....some place special.....where memories will begin....memories of a baby that was never meant to be.....but one we will meet one day....I am kinda thinkin’ she will be running into my arms when God calls me home.....and saying something like....”Mama Jo....what took you so long?”....to which I will reply....”Child.....I came as fast as I could....but I’m old, and can’t move as fast as you!”......
Then we will go to my mansion....the one on the corner....get in my cool heavenly kitchen....and mix us up a batch of cookies....cook them in a really fast oven(I am sure they will be state of the art)....sit on my front porch and eat warm cookies and milk and talk about what all she has been up to since the last time I saw her.....
“O Mama Jo....you wouldn’t believe what all I have been doing....I ran a leg race with St Peter...and I won.....but I think he let me....then I played school and colored in the lines and I have so much more to tell you....”
And there we will sit for hours on end....telling stories....I am just hoping she lets me get one in there ever so often......
Heavenly Hannah Abigail.....what a beautiful name......
